We're Professional Fakers

        I had met with a friend a week or so ago that I had recently reconnected with from high school. The two of us graduated the same year, both went to college, are both working...and are both in the struggle and discovery of post-grad life trying to figure out what we're called to do. The conversations we've had have been extremely beneficial for both of us in that there is always insight and understanding we gain from one another's perspective and experience, encouragement to not give up and keep searching, and comfort in the fact that someone out there has encountered the same struggles.

        Somewhere in the middle of the conversation my friend stopped me and said, "Hey...can I just thank you for being honest? All the people I've been talking to lately have just seemed like they're trying to look like they're keeping it all together, so having someone be honest is really a breath of fresh air."

        This is in no way meant to magnify myself. When it comes to my struggles, I'm honest...maybe too honest for my own good. And there are certainly times where I've tried to appear to be something I'm not. It's incredibly taxing. On top of that, I learned quickly that people can usually tell whether or not you're being real with them.

        It got me thinking. We operate in a society of where all of us are really, really good at faking. We fake everything: enthusiasm, kindness, feelings, interest, emotions, even our personalities. Everyone wants to appear like they have it all together, everyone wants to look intelligent, innovative, creative, strong, good-hearted, and beautiful. No one wants to show what's really underneath...the struggle, the pain, the insecurity, the problems, our own brokenness...because if people really knew, would anyone accept us any longer? What would they think of us then? Everyone puts up a mask. Everyone is cryptic. Okay, maybe not everyone, but a good lot!

        We all know a handful of fake people, and we all know how frustrating it is to deal with them. Many relationships become complicated or fail because somewhere down the road, we discover that someone...the person that we thought they were...is not actually who they are. There is no genuine, honest communication. Such a lifestyle only breeds suspicion and resentment.

        Some people have lived this way for so long that they have become emotionally numb to anything genuine. It's so easy to lose ourselves in a persona, an alternate version of ourselves that we create to try to please and attract other people, that we forget who we really are. We work so hard to maintain it that it wears down our mind and takes a toll on our relationships. And when the slightest possibility of being found out even presents itself, some of us panic, become defensive, or maybe even angry. We can only keep the face on for so long.

        I understand that many of us have trust or insecurity issues. Maybe a massive breach of trust, heartbreak, malicious criticism, judgement, or traumatizing experience has caused you to shut everyone out so that no one can hurt you. Or maybe you've been the perpetrator of such, and in realizing what you've done you don't want to hurt anyone ever again.... I'm not saying everyone should wear their heart on their sleeve, pour out their souls to random strangers, and have no filter on details of our lives that we discuss with other people. Discretion should always be used in all our interactions and dealings. It's merely and observation...that so many of us stress ourselves trying to control how people perceive us.

        It might seem like a tall order, an unthinkable, insane proposal, or a daring feat to try to open up to other people. It might take time, finding a true friend that you can open your heart up to, overcoming extreme shyness or stepping out of our introvert box for a moment. In any case, I won't pretend like it will be easy for everyone. But I will say, that being genuine with the people around you is one of the most freeing and fulfilling choices you can ever make. Very rarely do you meet someone where what you see is what you get. Sometimes people's real personalities might be too straightforward, or too explicit, maybe even annoying. We all need to learn temperance. But at very least, it's better than being lying. It's better than feeling like you always have to hide. It's better than losing grasp of who you are.

        Those that strive to be genuine are the ones that can help the most people. When you're real about your struggles, you never know what kind of person may come along that's struggling with the exact same thing or something similar. You may be the only person who can help them and it'll be a good thing you came along! Not only that, but someone being genuine with people, giving the hard, honest truth that they need to hear is sometimes the only way to truly help them, not a vague exhortation that leaves people confused and unchanged. It's definitely an act of humility to be able to admit our faults and make yourself vulnerable, and it's a leap to give someone the genuine truth they need to overcome a roadblock.
         I'm not saying there's no risk involved, but when we let our love for others trump our pride and our fear, we'll find that being genuine is, indeed, better. I think that, ultimately, the best thing we can do for is just simply work on ourselves. When we see our short comings and are aware of our problems, why not try to change something? Why not try to solve those problems so that they're not there anymore? Then, when can we take down the mask and people can perceive us for who we really are...the better, stronger version of ourselves we were meant to be.