The Issue with Labels and Labeling Others

       

        We live in a society of labels. The words 'Upper-middle class,' 'politician,' 'addict,' 'Christian,' 'gay,' 'punk rock,' 'hipster' all carry connotations that affect how we perceive and interact with the world and the people in it. But another effect labels have is their uncanny ability to make us think we have an unspoken license to judge others, whether it's predicting what moves or choices people will make, what direction their thought processes go, what kind of personality they have, the circles they associate themselves with, etc. Labels are, perhaps, one of the biggest reasons that many people fail to look at things or view people with an objective lens.

         Labels play a major part in our judgement. They set off associations in our brains that cause us to react based on our experiences, both the positive and negative. We judge music and movies by their genre before we watch them, food by its label before we consume or choose not to, we judge politicians character and vote based on party they're from, and the list goes on. 

        Here's a prime example. Let's look at the word 'Christian.' What kind of connotations, implications, and assumptions can be made when you strap the word 'Christian' to something?

• Movie vs. Christian movie
• Novel vs. Christian novel
• Music vs. Christian music

        Simply by adding a label, it divides each category into a subcategory recognized by our culture to be a whole, separate category in the world of media. 

The word 'Christian' carries so many connotations in so many different contexts, both positive and negative. Today, people may associate the word 'Christian' on one hand with a very loving, joyous, strong person who loves God and lives with meaning or on the other a religious bigot who is elitist, condescending, and legalistic. 

        Because words meanings evolve and change over time, people have to be wary of the words they choose and mindful of the meanings. One cannot as simply say "he's a gay man" to mean "he's a happy man" because of its association with the homosexual movement. The same can be said of any word or label. It's not as simple as it used to be.

       

        Jon Foreman of Switchfoot talks about the band's choice in not adopting the 'Christian' label or declaring that they're a 'Christian' band because of the "box" that exists in Christian media and Christian circles. They don't view their music to be any more or less Christian than anything or person that exists. For them, the issue was one of content and the heartbeat behind it. To adopt a Christian label carries a certain weight and expectation. They understand that labels create an image, and image affects perception. It can affect everything.

        Labels will always inevitably trigger something our minds. In any instance, whenever we judge by a label we're putting some measure of trust that the label is properly representing what it's labeling. As we well know, they can be very misleading. In some instances labels can be helpful, but the problem is when we start thinking in terms of the label, and this causes a variety of problems.

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        It's understandable that labels, from a socioeconomic and practical standpoint, are a necessary part of society because one cannot create an objective case for each an every human being or situation. Such a task would be tedious and ridiculous.  

        The issue is with that of the individual. It's whenever we as people begin to make assumptions about a profiled person based on their politically-correct racial category or social class. It's when when we begin to look at the mass of people in the world and begin to make blanket generalizations about the man or woman next to us because of their declared associations. What labels have become is an extra barrier that we have to break through in order to truly know what or who we're interacting with. In our world of miscommunication and division, more barriers aren't what we need. 

        When we think of things in terms of a label that we or another person/group has created, our mind will start to run in a variety of directions. When we hear or read the word 'felon,' what conclusion do we draw of that person? When someone has been 'abused' or 'molested' or was born 'illegitimate' how does that affect our perception of that person or their family? What kind of assumptions do we make about someone according to their race? Or where they're from geographically? Assistant Professor Adam Atler of NYU puts it this way: 

"Labeling isn't always a cause for concern, and it's often very useful. It would be impossible to catalogue the information we process during our lives without the aid of labels like "friendly," "deceitful," "tasty," and "harmful." But it's important to recognize that the people we label as "black," "white," "rich," poor," smart," and "simple," seem blacker, whiter, richer, poorer, smarter, and simpler merely because we've labeled them so."  

        It's a combination of historical, psychological, social, and spiritual factors that has allowed labels to sneak their way into our perception of the people around us and ourselves. If we allow that perception to take root, how does that affect how we operate or treat our fellow man? From that point, we have to make a decision. Will we look past, take a risk and reach out, or will we avoid this person all together, fear them, or resent them? Will we still love that person like we're supposed to?

In conversing with friend who taught abroad in South Korea for two years, I learned that an avoided behavior in South Korea was telling someone your job description or occupation. Why? Because in doing so, you give control of yourself, your identity, to that person. 

        When we (or anyone) place a label on someone it's our attempt to categorize. It's a issue of control. It's much easier to deal with people or groups of people when you can put them on a shelf. Inversely, how do we respond when people make assumptions about us concerning our character, personality, political and religious affiliations, beliefs, convictions - in essence, who we are - based on a label? When we place labels on ourselves with our occupations, social circles, and preferences, do we remember and are we prepared to face what assumptions people make of us? Are we aware or do we welcome it? If not, why do we do the same to others?

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        The hope is that instead of judging something or someone according to a label of any sort, that we take the time assess, to think, and make the effort to truly know the world and people around us. It means thoroughness, discernment, and open-mindedness. If we stop at the surface level, we leave room to misunderstand, misjudge, and create a wider gulf between each other as human beings. As best we can, we should strive for objectivity in all our dealings, getting to the heart before deciding to throw something, or someone, to the fire. 

Paul Jacala. Copyright © 2014 

References:

bigdaverino, Dave Browning. "Why Switchfoot Won't Sing Christian Songs." http://ctkblog.com/ Wordpress. 9 Jan 2015.

Atler, Adam. (17 May 2010) Why It's Dangerous to Label People. Psychology Today. http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/alternative-truths/201005/why-its-dangerous-label-people

The Valentine's Day Post: "Single" and "In A Relationship" - One Is NOT Better Than the Other

       

        Today marks the day where many single men and women begin lamenting their singleness, start a mad scramble to do something for their spouse or significant other, begin trying to find someone to hook up with, or come up with some elaborate scheme to drown out reality while couples in our country are out trying to be/appear more "couple-y". The social media posts begin coming in like a cold front, and commercials will be plastered with red hearts and diamonds with love songs playing in the background. For many, "V-Day," or "Singles Awareness Day," is the source of more joy and pain than any other day of the year.

        It was a year ago around this time was when my friends Phil and Abbi really began getting to know each other toward becoming a couple. Phil was my roommate and Abbi was a friend I made my senior year of college. Before they met, I had spent time with them individually, talked with them about life, dating philosophies, and the frustrations with the dating scene. They were both people who struggled with singleness just as much as any other person. When they met, I watched their relationship grow from the early interest spark stage to the very strong, balanced, and mature relationship that they've grown into and built through communication, commitment, and their mutual faith. To this day, they're one of a few couples that I have great respect, admiration, and joy in just watching them interact.

        Phil and I had a conversation about how Valentine's Day seems to be more about singles than it is about couples. He and Abbi having dated for almost a year, they had talked about how they actually felt less inclined to do things for Valentine's Day, part of which is due to the fact that it's commercialized and overhyped. But more than that, for them, showing and celebrating their care and love for one another wasn't something that they limited to one day of the year. It was something they celebrated daily, moment by moment, something they showed in all the things they do for each other, big and small. Their relationship isn't defined by a cultural construct that people have come to associate with "love."

        We look around and see a LOT of relationships. We see relationships that we adore and admire as great couples that lead by example, ones that are co-dependent and imbalanced, and many that are worn, abusive, or all together destructive. Today, their are so many people that get into relationships for all of the wrong reasons, and there is an enormous shortage of truly strong, meaningful, and healthy relationships that contribute to community and that we can admire and draw inspiration from.

        I think that many of us tend to dwell too much on the subject of relationships, or the lack thereof, in our lives. For many in our culture it's become the drumbeat by which they live and the ultimate destination for how they want to live out the rest of our time on this planet. But the question I have to ask, "Is that how it's supposed to be?

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        So much time, energy, and emotion is put into the realm of relationships. When done the right way, the cost is good and well worth it. But more often than not, it becomes a burden, a great source of pain, and, in fact, a harmful institution because we go into relationships with the wrong perspective and motivation.

        When we take a step back and analyze relationships, how they're composed, the unique dynamic that each relationship possesses, we really begin to see where the source of joy and pain comes from. Good relationships are meant to be a haven of give-and-take. They are built on honest communication. They require time, effort, and sacrifice for the other person. Bad relationships are filled with selfishness, suspicion, jealousy, looseness, promiscuity, the belief that a singular person can fix all the problems in our life, over emphasis on sex, and a variety of other dysfunctions. Relationships are meant to be wonderful and lifelong. They're a gift, not an entitlement. Before we even think about pursuing, we have to ask ourselves honestly if we're in a time in our life where we're able and willing to give of ourselves.

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        There are times when being in a relationship is simply the wrong thing to do. One or both of the people in the relationships aren't ready, don't have the right heart motivation, or the relationship is simply putting strain on two people who in actuality would do better single. Why push a relationship? Why be joined at the hip with someone in this particular time of life when your life goals might be hindered or stopped because you decided to be in a relationship for the sake of it, or just because you felt lonely? Believe it or not, their is more to life than that. This person can't fill the hole for you. That's something you have to do and seek out for yourself.

        Instead of thinking of singleness as some sort of curse, start thinking of it as a step, a chapter, or an even a necessity. It truly is an alternative lifestyle. Yes, there are certainly people who do better in relationships or who do better single. It's being able to recognize the kind of person you are and flowing with that part of your personality and giving things time to happen naturally and in their own time. In the mean time, we're meant to live out lives in a meaningful way. Just because we're not in a relationship, it doesn't mean there's, all of a sudden, a pause on our calling. We have been given a life. It's up to us to figure out how to use it and to live it well.

        If people are rubbing the fact that they're in a relationship in your face, it doesn't make them better than you. Just because they carry the label doesn't make them a "better" person or any less of a terrible person. The person that we are, whether we are in a relationship or not, is determined by ourselves. Whether we're single or even married, it falls on us to keep being quality people who actually live meaningful lives, especially in the context of giving to the person we're in a relationship with. In point of fact, the best relationships around are the couples in which both have come to that realization, but in turn make one another stronger because they are together.


        What we need is more singles and couples who don't look down on the other for being so, but strong, purposeful people secure in themselves that empower one another in building healthy relationships, striving for the community that this world needs.