The Well Lit Battleground: June 2014

Thursday, June 26, 2014

Letting Things Grow in Time and in Season

Our mind is racing, spinning in the whirlwind of possibilities. We can hardly sleep because our ambitions, dreams, and where they are going, are constantly on the brain. Some of us are waiting, fighting for the big break, or trying to figure out where we belong. Maybe we're counting down until the long awaited wedding day, or we're still out there looking for someone to call our soulmate. Whatever the scenario, we're in high anticipation and patience is hard. The temptation to rush into things, to cut corners, and to accept something half-baked or mediocre grows in our mind. If this is you, take a moment to step back and be still. Let your heart rate slow, and breathe...

We're all waiting for something, I think. Whether it's a career gig, a relationship, an idea becoming reality, a calling, or a new chapter in life, we're eager to see it happen. It's all seems so close and but so far. We can taste it even though it's still just hypothetical. It's like we're standing at the door of a plane, ready to jump, but we still haven't put on the parachute or been advised on safety. If we rush into anything and don't let things come in their own time and season, we reap a half-ripe harvest, jaded and unhappy.
The best things in life take the proper amount of time to let themselves take root and grow...as well as the effort that we put in to help it grow.

A couple of friends of mine are big believers in watching ideas grow organically. Whatever the object, it should be allowed to take root naturally and grow in its own way and at its own pace as we watch it become what it can become. Some ideas start small but evolve into something bigger...sometimes bigger that we could have ever imagined! When we start out, we let the idea take root but shape it with an open mind, wisely allowing input, criticism, and contribution. It can turn into something intricately and ornately beautiful. It just needs time.

Some of you might be familiar with Bonzai, the Japanese art of guiding the growth of a small plant and modeling its appearance after that of a life-sized tree. The amount of dedication, thought, planning, and tending is (to me) overwhelming. How does one create such and intricately beautiful, natural, and living work of art?! Growing a bonzai tree requires wrapping wire around the stem (or "trunk") of the plant, as well as its branches, guiding its pattern of growth, pruning small leaves, and shaping where you want it to go. The result is a beautiful, intricate, miniature tree that you can hold in your hands.

Bonzai is challenging and requires an tremendous amount of patience. It's careful attention to small detail and intentionality in every modification. What if one went into an endeavor with this same exact attitude? With thought, dedication, and patient effort? The things we could create and the things we'd make of ourselves...the results would be life changing! We would have something enriching, whole, and beautiful...in it's own way. Would our standard change? Would we any longer allow rushed work and haphazard choices? We would (and should) try to eliminate such.

There is a time and place for every word, every action, and every happening. When we are able to skillfully gauge the appropriate time to act, or rest, we can watch our ambitions, dreams, and lives grow. It takes discipline, it takes prudence, and it takes courage to take risks. Life is very learn-as-you-go, so seeking out advice from more experienced people can help us plan more effectively.

The most skillful artists, successful businessmen, and good doctors understand that every choice will affect the next, every moment is part of the process, and that haphazardly jumping into anything can lead to disappointment, waste, a good of deal pain, or irrecoverable failure. The things we put in today, the little amounts of valuable time and work invested now, can have great rewards in the future. When it comes to people and impacting, our words and choices can have lifelong effect...even though we may not be around to see it. The best relationships and marriages are hours and years of being poured into, built on trust, experiences, perseverance, and commitment. It's time that develops and tests them.

Don't despair if you feel like something is going slower than it should. For all you know it's taking
the time necessary to reach its fullest potential and best form. Keep looking at all the angles and do the best with what you have now. Remember that everything works together for good and comes in its own season. Take the moments to fine tune the small details. Continue refining and mastering your craft and cultivating your relationships so that everything you do life will be the finest that it can be. These are the creations that people recognize for meticulous quality and dedication. These are relationships that will last a lifetime.
Always push further, always do better than you did yesterday, and watch yourself and the things you put your hands to grow into something wonderful. It's worth it in the end.

Monday, June 23, 2014

Being "That Person"

How many of us dream of being "that person?", the one that people recognize for their talents,
their quirky or interesting personality, or their good deeds done? The ones with the best one-liners, know the best places around town, are dapper, smart, and attractive? There are certainly advantages of being generally well-liked, but for many, it has become all that matters in life...that society thinks they're interesting, desirable, and exciting. And that if we can just hold on to that, keep people interested in us for as long as possible, and inch our way into a measure of fame, we'll be satisfied. This may be some us, not necessarily obsessively, but sometimes momentarily.

In those moments, what is our drive? Part of it may be the desired to feel wanted, that sense of pride, confidence, and peace with ourselves, that we are someone of value. Some of us fight for people to notice us, making it ongoing war between fellow human beings. It's become a frivolous show drenched in the spiteful, boastful, petty, envious and conceited.
Some of us may have had struggles with feeling wanted since childhood, whether because of abuse, neglect, a lack of friends due to social awkwardness, or just some X-factor we may not be able to explain. No matter what it is, it's a painful road to walk. So when people do show us attention or affection we latch on and soak it up like a sponge.

Maybe it's about feeling needed. There is a certain kind of pride we have when people depend on us. We feel like someone important. This is the origin of men's "hero complex." We all seek validation, that we're somehow a necessary piece to the puzzle of life. You've seen people throw themselves into charities and promote some grand cause. Everyone wants to be able to say they're a good person and check off their good deed for the day. But do we get real satisfaction out of helping other people, or do it just to be perceived in a positive light?

In a world that has done well to objectify human beings, it becomes harder to discern if people's interest in us is profound or self-serving. If the extent of people's interest is for their own fleeting amusement or gratification, and when so much of our pride comes from how we're perceived, how in demand we are, and how often we come up in conversation...what happens when attention fades? What happens when someone new, different, or more interesting comes along?

We won't attract everyone. The uniqueness of our wiring means that people gravitate to a diversity of individuals and interests. Some of us might think we are (or try to be) the most interesting and clever person in the world. But the truth is that there are those this world who can pass us by without giving a second thought or care about who we are or what happens to us. In that moment, when we are ceased to be needed or talked about, even temporarily, we might begin to feel useless and worthless.

Why must it come to that? Does it always have to be all about us, or are we willing to be behind the scenes and moonlit beings from time to time? What does it say about our charity and sacrifice? What does it say about who we are? Are we being selfless or self-serving?

If we struggle this much in the area of attention or being liked we should ask ourselves:

"What is it that I am measuring myself by?"

Know this: you, as a human being, have far greater and immeasurable worth than an object or spectacle. You were made for a greater and deeper purpose.

The attention and fame that people give us only lasts so long and, in the long run, will never satisfy us. Fame or popularity, like anything, has its own price. You can see it on the faces of celebrities and stars. There are days when being famous takes its toll. People whose time is in high demand understand the difficulty of balance, privacy, making time for themselves, and being with loved ones. There is much to be sacrificed living a life where you, as a person, are in high demand.

Feeling wanted and needed we naturally crave. It stems from our desires for intimacy, vulnerability, and purpose. I think what we are all seeking is just that: a feeling. We all want to feel complete, and, if possible, 100% of the time. But what everyone on the planet is actually seeking is real peace. That kind of peace won't come from being generally well-liked, being a good person on earth, and saying, "Look at all the good I've done." It's a peace that surpasses understanding, that comes from letting go of yourself, your own ambitions, any claim to fame, and putting yourself in the the hands of someone greater...someone who wants, loves, and accepts you for who you are.

So what's the point? Why go out and do what we do if no one will notice us? I'm sorry to say, but if that's the extent to which you are living your life, then you've got a very shallow, shortsighted, and self-serving outlook. There is a deeper and more fulfilling call placed on our lives. We can live full, happy, and meaningfully when we choose to let go, be the best version of ourselves, and love, not just to people we like, but all people.
Strive to be someone loving, patient, and kind. Be friendly and enthusiastic. Build yourself to be strong, wise, skillful, and reliable. Practice being truly selfless and sacrificial. This is the person who, more important than being popular, changes the world, impacts people's lives, and is the kind of individual that is both wanted and needed in society because of the value that they bring to all things.

When we get caught up in the race to be noticed, we can only keep up for so long. At the end of day and when it's all said and done, we only have ourselves and our choices. So when you look in the mirror, ask yourself:

"Am I being who I was meant to be?" ... "Do I like the person I am behind closed doors?"

This is you.

Wednesday, June 18, 2014

The Good Stuff: Thoughts that Affect the Heartbeat of Our Days (Repost)

So many days we wake up dreading the days events, cringing at the idea of work, wishing it were an off day so that we can actually go out and be ourselves. Good days are a rarity that happen once in a while when we're not expecting them. But why does it have to be so? Why can't we try to make every day a great one? It's all about mindset, how we go into each day, and how we react to what life throws at us. It sounds good on paper, but it's definitely trickier in practice. Here are a just a few things that (I think) if we stop to consider before we step out the door to face the day, can change the way we look at a day...and all the days ahead:

1. Go out with an open mind.

Anything can happen and anything can change. Every day has something new to offer, so embrace the uncertainty of it all. When unexpected things happen, learn move with the changes and flow around obstacles. Go out looking to learn. We all come across dozens of people each day, and everyone has a different angle on life. In interaction with them, see what you can learn and look for nuggets of truth and wisdom. Seek to be enriched and use your discretion to weed out junk from gems.

2. Meet new people, cultivate relationships, and look for opportunities to impact.

If you haven't figured it out already, life is about relationships and people. Everything we do comes down to who we impact and influence and how we all affect one another. Embrace making new acquaintances and connections. Accept that people are human and give grace. Talk to your neighbors. Take an hour to have coffee with that person you've been wanting to learn more about. Invest in others, in friends and family, and in upcoming generations. This world has far to many interesting people for us to only be focused on ourselves. We all seek to be relational, and sometimes we need to be the ones reaching out and making the first move.

3. Do things you believe in, and give your best in all things.

This is easier said than done. Some of us work some pretty hard jobs. Some of us have crazy or rough home lives. But nothing is worse than laying down your head on your pillow at night unfulfilled and jaded, knowing you didn't try while despairing at a vicious cycle.

Find something you believe in that you can pour into. It might be a side job or hobby. Try to fit it in somewhere in your day/week so that you're doing something you resonate with. Knowing you're doing something you believe in brings worlds of satisfaction. Look for that small piece of your work you enjoy doing most and focus on that. Do the best that you can so that, at the very least, you can say that you're giving it all you've got on your end. Look for opportunities to grow, move up, or move on. Be the catalyst for change by having a higher standard. This is the mentality that will push you further and inspire the people around you.

4. Accept that some things are out of your control.

There are many things in life that we'll never be able to keep from happening, and I think we're just not meant to. I think that the key is being ok with that. If you think about it, it can be an extremely comforting...that not everything falls on us 100% of the time! With that in mind, make a conscious effort to let certain things go. Let things play out the way that they're supposed to and take things as they come. You'll be able to recognize which things you have power to change and which things you don't. Don't fret when the boulder is in front of you. Walk around it if you can, and if you can't, go a different route.

When it comes to stubborn, petty, and difficult people, let them do their thing. People are people. Don't let the bad deeds, negativity, or criticism of others dictate the way you look at and live your life. They might be limiting themselves, but they don't have to limit you!

5. Choose to be happy!

We're the original versions of ourselves, and not one person in the world is like us. Take pride in that! We've been given talents, unique personalities, and opportunities to use them. It's up to us to recognize those opportunities and cultivate those gifts. The world is ours to impact, to discover, and appreciate. We've been given a life, a day, a moment, and an array of chances. They're ours to make what we will out them. How can we not get excited at that!? Life itself is a tremendous gift...that came at a huge price paid for us. We've been given the freedom and chance to express who we are. That, friend, is a reason to be happy!

The only thing holding us back from living life to the fullest is ourselves. We can find good and joy in all circumstances. We just need to step back, look up, and around us. Dig deep and look intently and the small details of life, doing all things with intention. And most importantly of all...don't give up!

"Be strong, live happy, and love."

-John Milton-

Tuesday, June 17, 2014

Downtown Greer Shoot - "Forgotten Friend"

The trees by our apartment - "Big Brother"

Tuesday, June 10, 2014

Not Self-Made

Why is it so hard for us, at times, to take the counsel, advice, insight, or knowledge of others?

A buddy of mine once said, "I don't presume to be better than anyone because I know that there's so much I can learn from other people." In this day and age connections are what help us to get by, so passing up on people's insight and help may be one of the unwisest things we can do.

There are so many people all around us...people who are banks knowledge and experience. Yet when those with that experience try to lend a helping hand to say "Hey, this could help you" or "Can I come alongside you in this?" we, in that moment, shut them out, push them away, and become defensive toward them. The older we get, the more prone we are to take for granted the insight of other people and get stuck in our ways. We miss out on worlds of insight that we could not acquire otherwise because of our pride, and we end up hurting ourselves when those situations arise where that insight could have helped.

That being said...is it really worth it?

As an artist and a person that has grown up in an individualistic culture, I can tell you I have had huge beef with people trying to help me. I find it hard to collaborate with people. I want to have full say in my creativity, how I go about my work, and how I express myself. There are times when caring people around me have tried to input, but I looked at it as them trying to tell me how to live, that my independence and identity was being drowned out. In reality, what was being attacked wasn't my independence or creative spirit, but my pride. Pride is such a detrimental barrier to our growth. We strive to be self-sufficient, self-made, self-, self-, self.... We are, in actuality, making ourselves less capable by closing ourselves off from those who want to help us.

As human beings self-expression and individuality are extremely important to us, and that's natural. We are all unique to ourselves. We want to be able to express the uniqueness of who we are and take pride in our personalities and gifts. It's not wrong to be independent and self-motivated. But it becomes a detriment when become self-obsessed, and too introspective. We want to able to say, "I made that," "I did this," and "I came to this realization on my own." Self-promotion is in our blood. Kudos to those who are self-taught in their endeavors. It's amazing that there are people who have enough and drive and discipline to master their art or craft without formal teaching. But we all drew our knowledge from somewhere...from outside sources. We didn't wire our brains. We didn't make the hands we use, the feet that take us where we want to go, the eyes that let us see the world, or the heart that keeps us alive. All of those are given to us...from a source. Our complexity doesn't justify a random or spontaneous event.

Didn't our foundation for learning, for being able human beings, come from those wiser, more experienced, and stronger than us? Didn't we learn how to do the simplest things from people like parents, grandparents, brothers and sisters, teachers, and friends? They were the ones who showed us how to throw the ball, light the candle, write the letter, and play the note. They helped us take our first baby steps. We'd be nothing if not for the people who came before us...those who had the kindness and patience to pass along what they knew...those who rose to the top and became the inspiration for us to seek greater heights. What is so easily forgotten is the importance of community...of being in contact with people that support us, help us grow, pick us up when we fall, and broaden our understanding.

I know I'd be nothing without the parents who loved and supported, the teachers and mentors that stretched and challenged me, and the good friends that I did life with who inspired me. So much of us is made up of our experiences. We're a culmination of so many factors and choices. But the soul and the starting point for our story...was made and is made possible by the investments of other people.

Is it really so hard admit when we don't know? Is it really so hard to accept correction and guidance from those around us that are wiser, stronger, and smarter? If we can find the serenity to accept that we don't have all the answers, we've already taken a step forward. We've now made it possible for us to explore a world knowledge that we might have previously ignored. It's then that the possibilities become truly limitless.

Those of us who have gone through much, who have struggled and fought, and have turned out relatively okay (by whatever standard you measure it by) can think of a person who helped us get there. If you think - and I mean really think - about just how much has been poured out to make us who we are...it's a lifetime of debt none of us will ever be able to repay. The best thing we can do with the grace and help we've been given is accept it humbly, appreciate it, thank those who have helped us, and live. Live as a testament to those who have been a force for good in this world. Live so that their investment in you isn't vain. We can't go through life without help, and we can't go through life without people.

"Without counsel purposes are disappointed,

but in the multitude of counselors they are established."