What traveling starting at a very young age, working at Starbucks, and working with youth has helped me see is that this world is entirely too large and that we miscommunicate entirely too much. Living in Europe and visiting the Philippines and has made my mind used to the idea that there are idealisms and customs beyond our own, and living in the North, the South, and the spending time in the West has helped me see the notable differences in culture, even among the nation I grew up in. With all our differences of value, culture, race, social class, and context, the only way we get by is by communicating...but we don't always do it gracefully and effectively.
Back in my early days as a barista I met a man of Middle-Eastern descent who was well-traveled. He was born in Saudi Arabia, but had lived teaching English in Europe and has traveled to several countries in South East Asia, as well (I believe). Conversing with him for brief periods was both enjoyable and insightful, learning about him and his experiences. What stuck with me in my interactions with him was his remark that in each culture he had experienced, there was always a strong, or stronger, sense of value...a stronger emphasis on respect, a stronger emphasis on community, a stronger emphasis on family.
Another time I met a dear, sweet woman who lived in Cuba when Castro was in power. She conversed with me (and regular customer of mine) about the hardships that she faced and the things she saw living in Cuba. She had a grace and serenity about her that overcame that hardship, a life dominated by peace. But the point she made was how many people she had met that have little knowledge or awareness of what is happening outside of their borders.
I know people that have never been anywhere outside of their small town. I know many that wish they could travel, and others that really don't care to. There are other ways to learn. What gets me is meeting people who choose to ignore and be oblivious...people that won't listen or consider. It's the people who have experienced the most that have the most to offer in knowledge, wisdom, and understanding...while so many others are content to be ignorant of the world. The thing I took away from all my experiences this that so many of our issues, our struggles...North and South, black and white, right and wrong, truth and falsehood...comes down to two things: communication and heart.
There is, certainly, a enormous lack of communication. But the even bigger issue, I believe, is miscommunication. Communication is, many neglect, a two-way street of speaking and listening. This is where most fail...at listening. Our first impulse to speak...often times in bias, prideful showiness, or anger, depending on the issue. We all know those people. Trying to communicate ideas to them who It's like trying to push water out of a pipe while a jet stream is being shoved into the opening. The best conversationalists understand the perfect balance of speaking and listening, interjecting and holding back. A good communicator understands that there is an appropriate time and place for every word.
"The biggest communication problem is we do not listen to understand.
We listen to reply."
We fail to hear first where a person is coming from, to put ourselves in other people's shoes, consider their past, their pain, their struggle, the way they were brought up to think. Likewise, what we don't always consider is that our own viewpoint might be faulty, incomplete, or - heaven forbid - wrong. We make mistakes in our assumptions. We must make the choice to listen, to speak, to not be a harmful human being. When others are being ignorant, instead of writing them off, why not show interest...engage in that two-way dialogue. Figure out where they're at, empathize, try to understand, feel, think, and then, when you've done all those things, speak. In all the interactions we have with all the people we will ever come across in this world, there will be millions of ideas and sentiments we will communicate in our life time that we send into the air. Contrary to popular belief, once something is communicated, it cannot be "un-communicated." That being said, it's not just a choice, but it's our responsibility...to communicate what we mean, what we feel. If you, like every human being on this planet, want to be truly understood, you have to communicate.But the crux of it all is heart. It's the starting point to whether we're closed off or open to the prospect of listening, opening up, and becoming vulnerable...and, in turn, learning about other people. Our hearts have a desire to be filled, and cultivated, and enriched by the relationships we build with other people, but often times selfishness and prejudice get in the way of truly connecting. If our hearts are full of hate, anger, bitterness, laziness...we don't communicate. We can't communicate. Even the most effective communicators abilities can be hindered by their personal vendettas. But if our hearts are right with the people around us, when we're being selfless, when we give...then we learn, and we can take it all in because we're pouring out. One of the greatest acts of love we can show someone is just listening to where they're coming from, asking questions about them and showing interest in their lives, and showing respect...for who they are and where they've been. This world is entirely too large and overpopulated to only be focused on ourselves. If we truly want to understand one another, we need open hearts, listening ears, and discerning tongues.
From our hearts flow the issues of life, and from the heart the mouth speaks.
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