Through the years I've observed (within myself and others) how we operate and what our natural impulses are. Why are there so many jerks in this world? After analyzing my own personal character in my day-to-day interactions, this answer came to mind: there's a jerk in all of us.
We all have agendas, things on our minds and hearts we want to say. We all have malicious thoughts and intentions, grow impatient, and make selfish choices. How much we suppress that inner jerk or let him/her out has usually depended on how kind or unkind people have been toward us.
Most of us have a very conditional sense of kindness, that we will only be kind to kind people, the ones that deserve it. It's a very human response. For every kind person we meet, we reciprocate (more or less) an equal amount of kindness, and for every unkind person we meet, we reciprocate (more or less) and equal amount of unkindness. An eye for an eye. This has been the way of the world.
"Kindness is loving people more than they deserve."
-Joseph Joubert-
Seriously think...what does our lashing back at anyone really help? Sure, we get the satisfaction of being able to tell someone off, give them a piece of our mind, what we think they deserve. But to what end and at what cost? Does this actually make things better? Debatable. I agree there are times when honesty, straightforwardness, and tough love are necessary, but even those things must be rooted in kindness. What does it say about us if all we're out to do is get even?
What we accomplish by returning unkindness is adding to the hurt, the pain, and the bitterness already floating around in the world. We give people a reason to resent us, raise suspicion in others, and continue being a jerk. Instead of helping heal the wounds caused by others and past experiences, we open them up again and cause even greater damage and pain. A few unkind words and actions may not seem like much, but at the end of the day, every day for the rest of our lives they add up, take their toll, and come back to haunt us. In the long run, our words and actions can have some lasting consequences...for better or for worse.
When we consider these things, can we see where the problem lies? How now do we see people? What about those in life who have hardly been shown an ounce of kindness? What about that bully at school who has an abusive home situation? What about cranky person who works 3 jobs with awful bosses to barely make it? What about that quiet, bitter man whose wife died 3 years ago, leaving him jaded and lonely? Their natural impulse now may be to return their pain to the world and the people around them, and sometimes that person may be us. When we lash back, we continue the cycle.
Many of us say, "Tough it out." But it will always be easier for us to say that. Isn't that our own short-sightedness talking? For us to neglect or log away the fact that other people are going through their own trials is a self-centered way of living life. "Not my problem," you say? Ok. But when we carry that attitude, we make it our problem. "They don't deserve it," you say? Do you somehow deserve it more than they do? By what standard are we measuring that?
"I actually think that the most efficacious way of making a difference is to lead by example,
and doing random acts of kindness is setting a very good example of how to behave in the world."
-Misha Collins-
Sometimes the most kind response to unkindness is to do or say nothing at all. This is better than doing something hurtful. Being a pacifist has it's perks and sense of honor. But there even greater acts of kindness we can live out. Ask someone questions about him/herself and show interest in their life. Pay for someone's meal or drink when they don't have enough money to do so and meet a need. Let someone have something that you really want or need, knowing they may need it more. Give a kind word of encouragement, affirmation, and affection. Be patient with people, forgive, give grace, and show mercy. Let people talk and vent. Isn't this how we'd want people to act toward us? Would we want not want people to give us grace on our "bad days?"
I'm not saying that this way of living is one that will guarantee reciprocated kindness 100% of the time in every situation. In fact, we often won't get a reaction. There are many deep-seated and complex factors and issues that affect everything. Living out kindness is truly, in a sense, a fight...against the spirit of hate around us and the nature within ourselves.
Is being kind to unkind people hard? You better believe it is. And it doesn't get any easier. The vast majority of people we meet won't change. But choosing to be kind in all situations will always be the better choice. You disarm the devices of malicious people. You break the chain of resentment that binds up the hearts of the broken. You become the catalyst for change other people's lives...starting with your own. As you choose to overcome bitterness with kindness, you'll see...over time the layer of ice around people's hearts begins to melt and the layers peel back. We'll begin to see our own walls that we put up against others begin to crumble. And we if we can continue to do this...we can open up a world of new possibilities.
We might not be able to change the world, but we can make it a better place to live in for ourselves and those around us.
Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.
-Ephesians 4:32-
No comments:
Post a Comment